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Friday, June 17, 2011

Write Like That.

changes
happen in colors.
in patches of color, they mutate and dance like laundry on balconies in sun and wind.
Sometimes i am taken in awe by them-I am stopped in my tracks. these changes are irrevocable.

Changes.
happen when I don't have my glasses on (hence the patches of color).
like the time life turned you upside down, and like a bat you found me in the night sky.
Cris just posted on Facebook that I had an eclipse and maybe you lost sight of me.
But I am there in my vast open sky with patience and endless suspension.

Changes.
happened when we were too busy to notice.
And they came in deep and strong.
like the cancer that just wouldn't go away.

we all tried everything.

these changes slipped-in in the night when we were sleeping and Oscar witnessed it happen.

Now, I have carpal tunnel. And when I try to hold things or lift weight, my muscle gives out and the thing I am holding falls from me.
my hands hurt and they are empty. I let them hang by my side without agenda because you taught me to relax my arms.

I will take off my glasses just to see these patches of color dancing in the wind. I will cross the baja desert in the night sky and laugh with the stars because I know Gaston is there. And with my empty relaxed open arms, I will allow for your hand to take mine, but for now, I cannot hold yours- it is just too painful. I think carpal tunnel goes away and if I take care of it, I will be able to hold hands again with the hand that is there.