inspired from Solnit's "Field Guide to Getting Lost"

5am, November 16, 2013

indigo... i know it is complex. and I know that indigo is not blue. And I argue that the "blue" Solnit references in her book, is really actually closer to indigo -but fair enough, who are we, on this earth, to rightly refer to anything as indigo anyway.

that said, How is indigo related to dispersion of light?

If I have concluded in my recent work that "light" is "god"and indigo is the color of "god", is indigo the lost light of god?

Is it the light that never reaches us? -because we are essentially out of reach from the heavens, we are here, on this floor, lost. Is indigo the lost god that is still only accessible through moments of hallucination, "insanity", or intoxication? Solnit says blue is the color of the atmospheric distance between here and there- it is the longing. Do psychedelics allow us to be in that blue-space?

And gold. I think about gold when I think about the European colonial men that survived and continued across North America to the wild west of California (whom Solnit writes about as well). The ones who came here for the gold. The ones that engaged that atmospheric indigo between where they were and the wild west, but what they saw in their minds eye was not infact blue, nor indigo, but real element metal gold. This unseen gold became the drive, invited their experience of longing.

So, I ask myself, when considering the historical and current collective psyche of California, of the Bay Area, Are we searching for gold amongst the indigo -is this the fractured capitalism within the sacred longing of lostness?

And is it perchance, precisely that which I am grappling with so deeply in my work of God Sees Everything? grappling with something so disconnected and so old, I can hardly explain to others what exactly I am even talking about.

all images by Drew Mandinach, 2013, solo performance, Los Angeles